Sunday, October 7, 2007

Headaches

I seem to be having a lot of headaches lately. I don't know why. I guess that I should schedule a doctor's appointment. Honestly, I am afraid that something will be wrong that I don't want to deal with. I had a brain tumor as a small child. They told us there was possibility that it might return. I doubt that really what is going on. Just having that to be a possibility, however, puts me off from being examined.

I know that I should want to find out as quickly as possible if it's something like that. I don't. Am I scared? Yes, of course I am. If I get sick, who will watch after my daughters? My parents? Yes, they would, But they not prepared to raise twins at their ages.

I suppose that it would be better to find out now so that I can make arraignments for them if I need to. I just can't bring myself to do it, you know? I feel immortal. Like nothing can touch me. If I have a life threatening brain tumor my illusions will be destroyed.

Yes, I suppose that's it really. I don't want to feel human when I have been untouchable for so long.

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