My Reasons

People often ask me why I do the things I do. Heehee. If I knew that, things might be different. No. That's not the truth. I wouldn't change anything. What's so different about me? Well not much really. I don't feel odd or different or even very interesting to be honest.

Yes, I decided at 26 to have twin girls on my own. No, that's not quite true. I decided at 26 to have a child on my own. The twins part was a great surprise. I went through an artificial insemination process to get pregnant. I just never meet a man I thought prefect enough to make a child with. No one is prefect? Maybe that's why I couldn't find him then.

I named my daughters Kaida and Ember. I looked up unique names online and those names called to me. Kaida, it said means dragon and Ember means eternal flame. Most people seem to like the names but not my mother. I will write more about my mother later. She will require a few posts, I think. "Why?" she asks. "Because." I say. I could never explain why these names spoke to me to my mother. Not her.

Eight years ago I became Wiccan. That's not strictly true I guess. I have always felt a deep connection with Wicca. I just never had anyone to help me on my journey. I don't learn from books very well. So it was a problem. Then I met a wonderful lady to mentored me. She was an American lady that I met while going to university in the States. She bought a witch's shop here in New Zealand. She took me under her wing. To this day, she is more of a mother to me than my own mother.

Please don't misunderstand. I love my mother. However, she is more of a mother to be feared and revered than to sit a discuss things with.

Back to the story now. When my friend decided to return to the States, she gave me her shop. Yes that's right. he simply signed it over to me. She doesn't have children to be upset about it. My mother was upset of course, but rarely can I make her happy.

Once I got settled into the shop. I started longing to have a child. No prefect man, so I did it all alone. When I was told that there was twins, I was shocked. I had no idea if I could raise two children at once. But I had to try.