My Reasons Continued

The thing that you really need to understand is that I am ferociously independent. I have been since I was a child. I think that I know it all, even if logically that doesn't make sense. I am an only child and both of my parents worked long hours when I was growing up. I learned to depend only on myself. Too many broken promises will do that to a child. Maybe if I had a brother or sister, things would have turned out differently. Who knows?

That Independence is the reason that I thought I could raise a child on my own, without a man. Plenty of women do it. Some by choice, some not. Did I think that it would be easy? No. Certainly it would be hard. There was a lot to think about. I had my shop to think of after all. What would I do with the baby while I was working. Take her or him to work with me is what I decided. I did not count on it being two babies. Twice the work. Still, I thought that I could do it. After all, the shop is not all that busy. Yes, I do a good business. People trickle in and out all day. Most of them I know. They would understand if I need to go and get a crying baby, or two. Most of my time at work is actually spent making crafts to sell. It has become something of a speciality. People come back every week to see what new items I have made. I could always stop to breastfeed or change a diaper.

The other problem was my living arraignments. I lived in a small apartment above my shop. It is big enough for when they are small, but as they grow we would out grow it. Also, Christchurch is a lovely city. However, I wanted my girls to be able to go out and play in the yard. There's no yard at my shop.

So at 6 months pregnant with twins and single, I bought as house in a village outside of the city. It's lovely. We have a nice, big back yard for the girls to play in.

I have to tell you. I got more than a few odd looks and strange questions associated with all of
this. How could I possibly have the money to buy a house and raise twins on my own? I'll be honest, it's a struggle. I do tarot card and rune reading to supplement my income. I have expanded what I carry in my shop. I mentor people in Wicca, but can't in good concinsence charge for that. Most all of them buy from my shop though as a sign of gratitude.

As I look back on things now, 15 months after my twins were born, I also wonder what I was thinking. It was a crazy decision that I made. The process of getting pregnant was extremely expensive in and of itself. Then when you add all the other stuff to it, it's really outrageous. So I guess it comes back to the question of why I would do such a thing.

When I look at my daughters' big, brown eyes and black, curly hair; their sweet smiles and wet kisses. My heart knows it was the right thing to do . It doesn't really matter to me what anyone else thinks of the situation. We are making it okay and having a lot o fun along the way. Hey, that's what counts the most right?